I wished to push my own limits. Harder than ever before. When people ask me why I chose this path, I answer, "because it sounded like a challenge." Now, I stare the ugly reality of my decision in the face. The gut-wrenching feeling of doubt envelops me. The terror of the possibility of failure chokes my breath and cuts down my confidence. It lurks in the back of my mind, pervading every thought, lining the shadows of every smile. I hate the feeling for sucking the joy out of my life; I have not truly enjoyed anything in a while. I can never relax or feel at ease. And yet..... at the same time, I welcome the terror, drawing it closer to me, feeling the warm blood run from fresh wounds as it sinks its teeth into my mind and soul. I watch it rip shreds in my ego and my self-esteem, and I draw the feeling closer still. I see the fibers of my being fray and tear as the terror works its way into the deepest reaches of my subconscious, and still I draw it in, relishing the feeling of my own self-destruction.... standing in awe of what lay ahead for me. For within destruction lies creation, building myself anew from the pieces left behind.. far more beautiful and infinitely stronger than that which came before. Who am I? What am I made of? Am I weak? Am I strong? Will I be tossed aside by the torrential winds, or will I weather this storm? My limits are not just being pushed.. they are about to dissolve in a brilliant cascade of flames.
Eyes and mind open.. To whatever end may come.