"I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here..."

"You look so... delicate. Please, just take this. I want you to have it."
Then he handed me a single red rose and walked away.

"You're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere"

The realization is both humbling and liberating..... Everything is going to be ok.

I am updating my blog from my phone while watching youtube videos and texting at a conference seminar. Win. Technology is a beautiful thing! Why didn't anyone tell me how awesome this is?

Thank you Nick for an epic birthday present.

The streets of downtown Denver are filled with sights, smells, and colorful people. I wandered over to historic Old Town and got to see a few places that Nick has been telling me about since he lived here 6 years ago. Apparently it's the perfect time of year; I got here during the two weeks that all the trees turn rich, beautiful colors, and the ground is coated with leaves of the perfect texture and abundance for crunching under my boots and kicking up in a flurry of cascading color. Day 2 of my trip has already been an adventure.

Guy on the street: "Hey, killer boots, would you like to save the killer whales?"
Me: "Already do. It's my job."
Him: "Oh, uh.." *sputters*

Random homeless guy who smelled like cigars: "Would you look happy, please? For the rest of the world?"
I smiled in reply.

What a wild, utterly unbelievable week.

Almost no sleep last night due to the epic conversation well into dawn, and yet somehow I got up at 7am, made my costume (including working a sewing machine - first try - which I haven't even touched in 10 years.. was quite proud of myself), headed out an hour into the desert to do a hydrology lab, which involved wading chest-high in a fast-moving, 50 degree river to take flow measurements, barefoot (as I watched one of my sandals slip off and float downriver), trying to decide between gaining my footing on slippery, slimy moss-covered rocks or the ground between covered in sharp broken shells.. all before 5pm, and I have a million things to do all before my flight at 4am.

And that was only today..

Be back in a week. Much love.

So long, and goodnight.

The process of healing is long and slow. Much love to the friends who give me advice, listen to my emo ramblings when I'm down, tell me wonderful things to cheer me up, fend off the guys at clubs who try to dance with me, stay up with me when I can't sleep at 5am, and generally do all of the amazing things that make me proud to have you guys in my life.

Wow.

Such a great time tonight. :)

The Simpsons: Comments about PhDs and Grad Students
Awwww. It's so true!

So sexy. I love seeing the F-35 STOVL landing. And it's that much cooler knowing that I designed a few brackets in it ;) Purrrrrr...

"You don't seem like the kind of person who would put up with someone treating you wrong."

I think I've heard that line a dozen times in the last few weeks; a couple of those were from people I hardly know. It's kind of surprising to hear that kind of evaluation of me from someone that I just met. And they're absolutely right; I'm not that kind of person, and I never will be again..

"A new life she has found."

I'm free..

Yeah.. I kinda felt like this after the movie tonight. Like with everything these days, I went into the movie not expecting much.. but I walked out going "ZOMG prosthetic-tailed dolphin will save us all~ :D :D!!!"
Cute movie. And I had a great time with the ladies.

Apparently meeting me is "like finding a lottery ticket in the middle of the desert, and it just happens to be the winning ticket."

Well, meeting you is like an unexpected breath of fresh wind just when I had grown used to breathing the stale air.

Let it be known that I was kicked out of a bar twice tonight for my sobriety, but never before when I was drunk..

Part of me will always mourn the loss of something unique and incredible. I'm so fortunate to have experienced it. And yes, it was worth the hell you put me through. The love we shared was ecstasy; delicious and passionate and completely capturing the entirety of my mind. But now I've moved on.. and so should you.

When will you stop suffering and start living? When will you leave behind the regrets of the past, the excuses, and truly focus your life on something worthwhile?

Talking to you again was amazing, while it lasted. But you haven't changed.. and until you do, you don't deserve to talk to me.

You're capable of so much more. I believe in you. I always have. But this journey must be completed without me. Prove to me that you're ready to change your life by doing it, on your own.. and prove to me that you regret the things you did to me by respecting me enough to leave me alone. Perhaps someday, I'll seek you out again. Perhaps then we can again delight in the rare experience of minds deeply entwined.

"In the end
I will always love you..."

Yes, it does have to be "goodbye." And when you understand that, maybe then it can be "hello" again.

Thanks to Steve for my new nickname.
I am now the "Notorious Vixen" :)

Closure.

Ten months late, perhaps, but still necessary. It's never too late to say sorry. It's never too late to tell people what they've done for you. How much they mean to you.

You may have hurt me, but you'll always be looking out for me. And I'll always care. Always..

Lately I've been finding love from people I would not expect. In addition to everything that the amazing friends I have in my life have done for me, I have also received random acts of kindness from complete strangers, new friends, and even old enemies..

This beautiful article almost brought a tear. Even more so by the fact that it was shared with me by someone capable of such cruelty. Perhaps it's true that cute epic animal stories can melt even the coldest hearts.

The past is not a realm of possibilities. Things happened the way they did because there was no other way they could have happened. No amount of wishing or regretting will ever change that fact.

How I long for a simpler time, before the world grew so cold.

"What was the start of all this?
When did the cogs of fate begin to turn?
Perhaps it is impossible to grasp that answer now,
From deep within the flow of time...

But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies..."