You ask me what you should do to get over your feelings for someone.

The simple answer: you can't.

Instead, embrace the feelings and take comfort in knowing that you're one of the few people in this world who experienced love on that level. Pity the poor souls who never will.


1 Corinthians 13:

"When completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; but one day, we shall see face to face. Now I know only in part; one day I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

To all the storms I've chased.

Years I spent, catching the hint of a breeze, the sweet smell of rain, but nothing could have prepared me for you. You swept in and lit up my life, electric, dancing winds swirled above my head, descending playfully to toss my hair, an occasional drop of rain bouncing lightly off my cheek. Just when I began to comprehend, and I reached out my hand to embrace, you slipped through my fingers, elusively, and then you were gone.. and I was left standing in your wake, my hair tousled and wind-blown, eyes wide with shock, longing for more, even a hint of what I had experienced, and instead left empty, alone. I did not understand, then.

I had caught a taste and wanted more.. I followed another storm, and new sensations filled my world. Young and inexperienced, but bright, and full of wonder, I laughed and loved and enjoyed the ride while it lasted.

So engaged was I in chasing storms that I did not notice the tremors beneath me. My very foundation collapsed, and I found myself standing on the edge of a chasm, lost and frightened. When my world below me crumbled, I looked to the skies, and I found you. Warm and comforting, you carried me to the clouds, and together we created our own world, an escape from cold reality. Nurtured by your warm gentle winds I lay, protected, until I was again ready to fly.

Gathering clouds in the distance held my gaze. Flickers of light and dark played on the surface and belied the torrential winds within. A new storm approached on the horizon, and I longed for a taste. Rare and complex, I yearned to capture, to tame the raw power and beauty I beheld, but in vain. The time we spent, however, was precious; my own storm within me grew, and in turn I watched yours develop and refine, and what started as something unique became truly magnificent. At a distance, now, we feed of the force of the other, each more intense and passionate from what is shared.

For a while I spent much time alone. A beautiful storm passed by, but I did not chase; I waited, gathering my strength, learning to live on my own. And then, there was you.

Dark, brooding clouds whispered the promise of something tantalizing. For the first time, I found myself drawn inexorably toward the certain danger which my intuition sensed. This storm was different; its violent winds careened about carelessly, swirling inward, both powerful and self-destructive. There could be only one outcome of this chase; I would get hurt, and I knew it. I didn't care. Intoxicated, I became swept up, and only too late did I try to escape, to find myself dragged helplessly ever inward. Finally I pulled away, weathered, torn, longing for solace.

I emerged broken and vulnerable. Blinking, I stepped into the sun, and a light breeze turned my head. Warm rain washed me clean; I embraced the sensation. You were a light summer rain to rejuvenate my mind and heart.

Now, I'm ready to return to the real storm chasing. Perhaps, this time, I'll let the storms chase me.

Wow...

Epic conversation. Hearing your story humbles me. I'm amazed every day by the people I meet, and even more still by finding out what they have endured. Someday when my heart has healed, perhaps I'll take you up on your offer..

Trying to pick out a Halloween costume to make or buy, whatever is cheaper.. it needs to be nerdy/epic/silly. Ideally something that would work as a pair with Christophe for when he's out here for Halloween :) Ideas, anyone?

EDIT: The ideas you guys came up with on Facebook are amazing. So far, the winner is an Elmo-themed version of this:
http://www.motifake.com/sesame-street-slayer-cosplay-demotivational-posters-101124.html
Keep the suggestions coming!

An awesome equation/poem/epicness-thingie....


9x - 7i > 3(3x - 7u)
9x - 7i > 9x - 21u
-7i > -21u
7i < 21u
i < 3u

*nerdgasm*
Thank you Dan :D

The Melody of Your Demise

One of my favorite artists wrote a story to go along with her painting. Enjoy...

"Tales speak of how Mehach, Goddess of Death, used to visit the world of Aii Chriaston in the past. She would herself step down from her ebony keep, and gently weave and coax souls from their discarded shells - and legends speak of how she, when gathering souls from a battlefield, met a wounded, but still breathing young man by the name of Ereyon.

Ereyon was beautiful in a way the Goddess had never seen before - she had seen beauty in Gods, but here, she saw beauty in life. In his pulse, in the beat of his heart, and she came to love him - and he came to love her.

She visited him every night, and every night they kissed. For nearly a year, they were together, but Ereyon had a secret he did not share with his mistress. Though her presence when she was with him was dimmed down - she was still Death, and she was slowly killing him. Rather than telling her, and losing what little time he had left with her, he kept quiet, and wasted away. Mehach was blinded by her love for him and suspected nothing until the day he actually died - and she felt his passing from her throne.

He did not come to her, though, as souls should. He clung to his grave and haunted the cemetery at night. Mehach called for him but he would not come - so she was forced to go down to him once again.

He did not want to go to the ebony keep, because he knew that then he would lose his memories and his love for her - he would lose what he had left. Haunting the cemetery, at least, would let him remember what they had shared.

Mehach spent the night in the graveyard, playing her harp - weaving patterns of his soul through her fingers, until, quiet as the wraith he was, he could no longer resist... and floated towards her, kissing her cheek - and she kissed him in return and thus stole his memories, and his love, and all that he once was... truly stealing his life before taking him back to the dark keep.

It is said that after this incident, after the tragic death of Ereyon, the Goddess of Death has never been seen on Aii Chriaston again."

Who knew that it would take the only other person uniquely positioned to understand our situation to open my eyes completely.

Regardless of how long we had been dating, you had been around me for nearly a year. You had seen the way I interact with people. I'm an open, engaging, flirtatious, friendly person with unbridled passion and enthusiasm in all of my interactions with other people. It's what makes me who I am. You've seen it. You knew it about me long before we started dating. It's part of what you claimed to love about me. To expect me to act any differently when we were together was your mistake.

Just because I'm passionate and flirtatious doesn't mean my love isn't true; I'm incredibly loyal, I always have been, and I always will be. And people who know and love me can appreciate that quality about me.

The trouble is, while you'd seen me be myself around people online plenty of times, you hadn't seen it in person, and it had never been checked against your level of insecurity and pride. When that happened, both times, you simply couldn't handle it.

The only thing I ever did wrong with you was be myself.

You have a lot of issues to work out. I would have been there for you, had you let me. But now you're on your own.

I'm closing the pages on this chapter. I have no regrets, and it's time to move on.

Random screenies that made me smile.

If anyone has ever wondered what actually went on in officer chat..

Yes, we are.

Can't sleep, and I have to teach a class in 5 hours, ugh. Instead of much-needed rest, I did the next best thing: I went through my old screenshots and picked a few of my favorites. :)

Lich King 10m reg, our first kill, I think we were 10th on the server. Still incredibly proud of it.

Server first heroic 10m; probably the most gratifying thing I've done in WoW, except perhaps the 25m heroic kill, for different reasons..

Epic walk through Dalaran after we got Argent Defender. I miss old times. When life was so simple, when I actually had time to play, when the world was so big, and we owned it.

Best drunken whispers ever <3

Still makes me smile..

Hands down, best RP ever. Still gives me chills thinking about it.

If only I could believe it.

She's done, for now. Please click to see detail! Since my drawing book is so small, I could only draw half the figure sadly. I feel bad drawing through my social science class these days; it seems like the professor plans every class around me. The first commentary he talks about is mine, he brings up all my points, and he asks for my opinion constantly. How do you become a teacher's pet in a social science class? Make it known that you're the only one in the room who actually understands the hard science behind everything being discussed. Respect is a lovely thing.

Speaking of lovely things, the lilies have almost all bloomed; my whole apartment smells like a garden...

It actually felt incredibly good to let that out, if even for a moment. Thank you.....
Life has been so busy, I have barely had time to think, let alone heal. When I have more than five minutes of time to reflect, I'll have much more to say. But for now, just know that you guys have been amazing. Every text, every call, every whisper, every time you stop by to drop off lunch, or just to give me a hug, it's what has kept me going, literally. I love you.

Break time is over; back to writing lesson plans!~

Why do random strangers walk up to me and tell me to smile?

"Don't give up, keep changing the world until it fits you!"

Beautiful..

I, for one, welcome our new Ducky overlords.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/niw/3921954778/

"but reality isn't real
it's too complex for it to be real
it means it's imaginary
so you just have to multiply everything by √(-1) and you will be ok"

So much win. Brilliant Carlos, just brilliant <3.
Inspired by a conversation about the social science majors in my class, like so much is these days..

*speechless*

What little of the information that I understand contained in this paragraph is so fundamentally wrong that it invalidates anything else being said, were there actually anything intelligent being said to begin with. UGH.

I stopped crying the moment I watched you drive away. And I still have yet to shed a single tear.

It brings me no comfort when I tell people the story, even when they laugh at how ridiculous it is. Once the noise of life dies down, and in silence I may truly reflect on all that has passed, perhaps then I can make sense of it all. And yet, even now, I know the words that will cross my lips. The same words that echoed in my head from the moment I saw hatred in your blue-green eyes.

What a waste...

Normally songs paired with angsty, pretentious video montages would force my gag reflex. But this one just felt right.
My 5 minute break from writing lesson plans is over; back to work..

"This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."

Dear Maurice,

Romania sounds beautiful. You were a lot of fun to dance with. I think it's awesome that you're going to be a pilot. But you might want to think twice next time you're about to test a drunk engineer on her physics knowledge. I completely smoked you on Bernoulli's Principle :)

Would it have hurt you to try?
By the way
You left without saying goodbye to me

"The people who command respect from others are also slightly intimidating; every person that I respect, I also fear slightly, because I know that if I got out of line, they'd put me back in my place."

Amazing conversation. Meeting people of such a high level of quality restores my faith in the world.

Don't mistake pride for confidence; the truly confident people don't crack under pressure. They thrive in it. I will make it my goal to not only surround myself with good people, but to find people who are truly strong, from the inside out.

I forgive you, forget you, the end

Good lord... I'm running out of vases...

Thanks to my social science class, I got some more drawing in today..

In addition to the overwhelming amount of love and kind words I've received from friends the last few days, some of the advice I've been given has been downright beautiful. Your eloquence has left me speechless; hope you guys don't mind me sharing a few..

"It takes listening, either with the body or the heart, to maintain balance. If he didn't listen then there is not much you can do to keep the balance... Dance and dating have a lot in common. They require a lot of communication. More importantly, they are both undertaken by individuals who are striving to reach a goal neither can reach independently. Both work when the goals are shared and are laid out in the open. And the results for both can be beautiful expressions that are unparalleled by anything..."
- Thank you, Carlos.. it seems like every time we go to dance class, we learn something new about relationships and life. We'll be experts by the end of the semester, amirite?

"Don't believe what I say, believe in what I do, what I have done, and what I will do."
- Thanks Jayson, if only more people lived by those rules.

"None of us have control over the hand we're dealt. We only control how we play the cards."
- As always, Lance, you seem to know exactly what to say..

My mistake was taking you back after what you did in Vegas. I should have known it would happen again. But I was so caught up in the fantasy world you painted for the two of us.

I feel sorry for you; you haven't truly known love. One day when you grow up and get over your pride, perhaps you'll let someone in, and you'll know what it's like to be happy.

It's hard not to slip into despair when I realize how bad I've been treated. Being fed empty words and promises for months, just to be abandoned in the end. Realizing that I was used. I know I deserve better, but right now, it's so hard to believe.

Can you say.. squee?

Between learning new dances in dance class today, I ran outside and stood in the rain.. leaving my hair damp and extra wild-looking for the super sexy rumba dip we learned: the guy, with his knee between my legs, bends me over and flips my head around, then snaps me back up to his face. So damn hot. 

The nonstop work I've had to do since I got back in town keeps my mind occupied. But especially thanks to the outpouring of love from friends, I'm doing fine.

It's like you guys know my favorite flower or something, lol. Thank you everyone...

"Are you a ballerina? You just have that look.."

One day in and I'm already back in the game. Life goes on~

For nostalgia's sake. Goodbye all, miss you.

"Do you feel better now.."

"In your eyes I perceive.. both the look of a beauty and the look of a beast. Be mindful not to bring about your own end. A dream lies in wait, reaching out to engulf you."

I take back what I said. My social science class is AWESOME.

...

So annoyed was I with last week that I put no effort in today's class, choosing instead to doodle in a drawing pad. I'd pop my head up from my drawing long enough to occasionally give my thoughts, and the class would spend the next half an hour discussing the incredibly deep and poignant idea I'd presented.. while I'd snicker to myself quietly. Mwahahaha..

Here's what I accomplished today in class:

Actually, I was kinda sad when class ended. Over already? But my drawing isn't done :(

Lesson learned today? Life is far more enjoyable when you don't take it seriously.

Don't come here seeking wisdom. You're looking in the wrong place. You walk among the rubble, the decaying ruins of that which was broken long ago. The words you read are but musings of one lost among the ghosts of the past. Far beyond help, far past redemption.

"We earned our fate with our pride."

"You are free to sever the chains of fate that bind you..."

"... Tell me.... What is the most important thing in your life...? Ask yourself what you can do, and what you need to do, in order to obtain it. If not you, then whom!? If not now, then when!?...."

"What I have shown you is reality. What you remember, that is the illusion."

Dance = sex = life

Carlos and I have determined that awesome dance partners would make for amazing sex. Why? The key to happy relationships is when a man is dominant and confident, yet respectful and mindful of a girl's needs.. and when the girl respects him and trusts and follows his lead. And when a girl tries to backlead, nothing works right. It works the same way in ballroom dancing and sex. It's a primal and biological instinct. When two people are compatible, everything flows.



First half of the day was spent on discovering what makes for a happy, healthy relationship. Second half will be spent on actually getting my work done, I swear....

A hero will save me just in time