I felt it necessary to record my thoughts, lest madness take me before I have the chance. There is a small measure of hope I have found which, as the dawn breaks vividly through my window, I take it upon myself to embrace. Little left is there of that strength which once carried me. I am no longer a bearer of a recent agony, nor a long-time sufferer of events both traumatic and distant. My symptoms are not the embodiment of pain. Rather, that which I bear and suffer is a complete abandonment of faith in humanity and desire to continue in any measure toward what few goals I have left. And yet, gained from a night of darkness and uncertainty is that small measure of hope. My own reasons are not enough by which I can be compelled to move forward; it is only through the knowledge that I serve as a not insignificant piece of a grander puzzle that I may recover just enough energy to continue, to trudge my feet grudgingly onward, if only for another few steps.

Perhaps the last of which will come soon. But it will not be this night.

There are no angels keeping watch over you. There is no devil tempting you toward sins. There is no God to love you and protect you.

Family abandons you. Friends betray you. Love fades.

Face it: you're set adrift on a cold rock in the vast emptiness of space. Your pathetically short life is meaningless, and any thoughts of otherwise are self-delusions.

You truly are alone.

"That's not a star, that's a satellite.."

A friend posted this video earlier today.

Following the advice of the video, I decided to spend the afternoon painting.

On my way to class tonight, I found myself smiling for no reason. Perplexed, I checked inward for some clue, and was surprised to find that the burning anger which I have felt nonstop for the last 4 days was gone. 

Well f$&@.

I guess there's something to it. That could cause problems with my future career plans.