My love is vengeance that's never free.

Never again.

I can't give you what you seek. Please, let me go..

... Plunging into future unknown down a path obscured, I tread lightly, for I have just crossed the border to that which dwells beyond the wildest reaches of my imagination. I am at once entirely unsure and completely at ease. Because this time is different. This time, I have you...

From my hydrology lab partner. I don't think he believed me :( Should I have told him that I'm getting on campus so late because that's when our raid ends?

This song is a great example of the style that I loved to play back when I was learning piano. Haunting, rhythmic, beautiful in its simplicity. But then, I've always been a sucker for songs written in a minor key.

                                             ---

How much was I willing to tolerate just to be loved? How many sacrifices would I make? How much of myself would I have to give?
It turns out, the answer was.. "too much."

There was a time when I craved love badly enough to reach out to anyone who simply extended their hand. If I can give enough of my love and care and devotion, then maybe they will love me. If I show them everything I'm willing to sacrifice for them, then maybe they will care. If it doesn't work, I'll just give a little more. Surely they see everything I do, and they will love me as much as I love them, right?

Giving yourself less value than you're worth is all the reason that people need to step in and walk all over you. And they will, gladly.

But something amazing happens when you treat yourself with respect: others start to do the same. You're the only one who knows what you're worth. It's your job to make sure that you get no less than you deserve. And it starts with respect. Respect yourself for your qualities which have value. Respect others for the valuable qualities they possess. And make sure that the people with whom you surround yourself have a healthy level of respect for you. It takes time to build, just like trust. And sometimes it's hard to find people with qualities of value. But you should never settle for less than what you're worth.

"If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher... and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you."
            -- The rule of Quest Physics

In these final hours, I will lay down my heart.

"...luck, not through fate, but through the excellent sense of timing that results when two people so perfectly complement each other's abilities."

I was wondering when the burnout would happen. Too many weeks set on overdrive, not enough relaxation time. Last night was the crash and burn; unbelievably bad nightmares kept me from getting more than 2 hours of sleep, and my heart rate has been double what it should be ever since. My body forced me into an unplanned day of rest. Tonight is focused on recovery, for what little time I can spare.

The real recovery, however, begins next week. It's the ray of light on the horizon.

Aside from the endless torrent of research and homework, there have also been some other important things on my mind. Sometime very soon, when I'm well-rested and have more than an hour to spare, I will post what needs to be said.

Curse you, sun, for rising; my work is nowhere near complete..

Few things terrify me more than the idea of succumbing to the banality of life, the routine, of becoming stagnant and predictable and ordinary. Once the newness of a place has faded into familiarity, once the mystery and novelty and magic have long since fled, the tedious procession of days sets in.... and the rot and decay of complacency stagnate the air until they choke the last rays of sun which desperately claw their way through the dust to caress the ground one last time.. and then they, too, are swallowed by the insatiable fog of monotony as it devours the last traces of.. life.

"When first I was put into prison some people advised me to try and forget who I was. It was ruinous advice. It is only by realising what I am that I have found comfort of any kind. Now I am advised by others to try on my release to forget that I have ever been in a prison at all. I know that would be equally fatal. It would mean that I would always be haunted by an intolerable sense of disgrace, and that those things that are meant for me as much as for anybody else – the beauty of the sun and moon, the pageant of the seasons, the music of daybreak and the silence of great nights, the rain falling through the leaves, or the dew creeping over the grass and making it silver – would all be tainted for me, and lose their healing power, and their power of communicating joy. To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul."

What should you do when finally realize you have discovered something beautiful and precious, but you know that it's not something you deserve?

Despite today being one of my rare chances to sleep in, I woke up this morning at 8 am and could not fall back asleep. As my mind churned through the million things I need to finish this weekend, a nagging thought popped into my head; a friend who was deployed to Afghanistan a month ago recently sent me an email, and I have been meaning to reply. He included his address, however, and as my tired mind lay in bed cursing my inability to fall back asleep, I found myself mentally writing a letter to him. I finally succumbed to the urge and pulled out a pen and a sheet of engineering paper. There's something just so organic and personal about a handwritten letter; both the giving and receiving have always been enjoyable for me. Only once I finished and I sealed the letter with a date did I realize what day it is today.

To the people whose nature compels them to serve and protect, in whichever walk of life they choose, you have my respect.

"angelus errare"... where angels lose their way..

Happier than I've been in what feels like a long time.

Teehee. I lol'd.
Writing proposals sucks. Writing proposals when I have a huge homework assignment due the same day sucks even more. Le sigh~

"You'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And every time tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved"

A monologue of such raw fervor and brutal honesty that I couldn't help but post. It stirred some emotions in me that I hadn't felt for a long time. Thank you Sam for sharing...

A refuge for broken hearts. A magnet for tortured souls. Your eyes betray your sorrow; let me help you bear your burden. Tell me your story. Share me your pain. If you suffer, I'll suffer too. And we'll make it through together. I swear it.

"I'm only human."

Well, it's not good enough. Do you want to be ordinary, or do you want to be the exception?