"Was it worth the trip?"

You have no idea how much.

For you, I fill the temporary void of loneliness in this brief period of your life in which you don't have someone else's affection. And I'm happy to do so... because, for me, the experience means so much more. 
With all of the uncertainty in life, I hold very dear what little truth I have found... and in this case, there are two things of which I am certain.
First.. 
With each passing year, each time I love, with each experience, with each smile and embrace, I become more sure of the fact that life is a series of moments, and that the people with whom those moments are shared are temporary... and the moments themselves are the only things which truly endure.
Second.. 
In your life, you will meet many good people. A few of those people will be of an exceptional quality, and you will be fortunate enough to get to know them. And, of those, with a very select few you will share something special.. 
Finding people of a high quality is rare enough; finding people with a good heart is rarer still. Being able to experience something special is a chance too rare and too precious for me to pass up. Yes, it was worth traveling thousands of miles to see it for myself, to share even just a few of those fleeting moments. And it was exactly as I pictured. A person's quality doesn't change, no matter the type of interaction.. The core of who they are is apparent in their actions, whether they are thousands of miles away or walking by your side. It shines in life... in their eyes, in their smile, in the warmth of their touch.. but the true quality of a person will not diminish with distance.

You are of those exceptional quality of people. And meeting you was incredible. For me, I am lucky to have had the chance. That's why it's never goodbye. I'll be here for as long as you need me, for as long as you are lonely. Someday, you'll find someone to love and care for, and you won't need me anymore. And as for me, I am just happy to have met even a few good people in this cold, desolate world, to have shared that fleeting, meaningful moment. 

Someone once told me that I'm treated exceptionally well by my friends. And it's true. From the love and care I receive, in all of the beautiful ways in which people so choose to express, each day I am left awestruck and humbled.
The reason for it is no mystery. I get so much love because I give so much. And as I've learned today, the result of being so open with other people can be amazingly positive, but it also leaves you open to a world of hurt. Listening to your story today got to me in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. It reminded me that the cruelty and disrespect people show you is always caused by a failing on their part, and probably not something you have provoked or even deserved. It's easily avoided, but doing so involves closing yourself off to the possibility of being hurt, which consequently prevents the good stuff from happening, too. And most people are capable of being so very cruel..
As much as I have wanted to simply close myself off after being hurt, I am constantly reminded of how important it is to love and be loved. The rewards are so much better; they're worth the possibility of future hurt. Because if other people can go through experiences even worse than mine and still choose to love, then so can I.

We had a fantastic trip to Flagstaff this weekend, complete with snow angels, hot cocoa, chocolate cream pie, and inappropriate snowmen (if you don't get that one, go look at the pics on Facebook more closely, lol)... the snow was great, the company was even better. Unfortunately, I brought home a souvenir in the form of bronchitis. My Christmas shopping and making gifts will be put on hold until I feel a little better, hopefully sometime tomorrow.

My blog has been neglected lately, and the only reason I can find is my utter lack of emotion. I've had some very positive experiences and some very negative ones in the last couple weeks, but even between both extremes, my general mood has been about the same. I can't seem to get excited or sad about anything anymore. It's a good thing for protecting me against bad feelings like getting hurt, but sometimes, I miss the good feelings... sometimes, enough to want the bad ones back.

"It was easy then to know what was fair

When to keep and when to share

How much to protect your heart

And how much to care

But today there is no day or night

Today there is no dark or light

Today there is no black or white

Only shades of gray.."

^ this.

People ask where I "go" when I get lost in dancing. I tell them, it's that beautiful place halfway between agony and ecstasy, when movement and emotion become one, and the world dissolves and the lines blur between any sense of time or self..

Wrinkle cream ad:
"57-year-old mom looks 25"
Good lord. Is that what 25 is supposed to look like?

Look what I've done. Don't you see? Won't you be proud of me?
I'll keep pushing myself and working hard until you do. I'll become someone you can be proud of. When you look to the sky, there I'll be, a star shining so bright that even the sun dims in my presence, and you won't be able to turn away from the light...

"If only to say this to you now
I love you still, and I always will"

My adventure in San Francisco has been great so far. This city brings out the best in me. The people are colorful, the landmarks are gorgeous, and the vibe of the city compliments me beautifully.

Every time I go to a conference, somehow, I end up making a new family. Even when I am perfectly content exploring on my own, by the end of the trip, I seem to have collected an entourage of people of all different types and backgrounds, and I feel welcomed and loved by my new companions in ways that astound me considering our short time together.

At my first conference in Breckenridge, I met a passionate, volatile and sarcastic Canadian girl who spends the majority of her time as a strong political activist in her country. For reasons I can't fathom, she latched onto me and brought me into her group of incredibly outgoing and flamboyant friends. We bonded immediately... By the end of the conference, they were asking me to attend their next one so we could all see each other again.

At my second conference in Denver, I was again on my own and wandering the city with wide-eyed excitement. My roommate turned out to be, once again, a fantastically colorful Canadian with a strong mind and heart. Our personalities complimented each other perfectly, and I adored her. We shared some good talks for having only just met.
She was not the only nice surprise of the conference; a very attractive Italian postdoc asked me out to lunch, and I hit it off with him immediately. I met another Italian at a mixer in a museum, and I spent the last night of my trip with the two of them, learning Italian curse words, entertained by their rants, and dancing with them at clubs. When we went back to the hotel, they begged me not to end the night. The postdoc asked me to visit New Orleans with him purely on a whim, raving about what a great adventure companion I make. Once again, I began my adventure alone, and I returned home feeling loved..

The conference in San Francisco is shaping up to be no less. I am rooming with a friend, which has added a new dimension to the adventure, spending most of my time with a traveling companion instead of on my own. I also have a ton of friends already here, and through them we have already made many more. The family has already grown.. And I can't wait to see what adventures lie in wait for our last two days here.

Here's to adventures on the horizon, to friends who have shared the journey and friends we have yet to meet, to getting the most out of every day, to laughing and loving freely, to stepping over boundaries and outside comfort zones to discover the amazing things which lie on the other side.

My last final..... ever. I couldn't contain the huge grin on my face as I left the exam hall.

I passed a guy while walking, who did a double-take before approaching me..

"Excuse me.. how do you walk so.. elegantly?"
I paused and looked at him, amused.
"I wanted to know.." he asked, "would you be interested in attaining enlightenment? I can show you a great book on yoga and-"
I laughed. "I already have achieved enlightenment, thank you though." With a smile, I turned and started walking away, leaving him with a bewildered look on his face.
"But, wait! You can share it with others!"
"I'm trying!" I called over my shoulder with another smile, then vanished in the crowd.