You see it?
The gold star?

It's actually a nebula wrapped around
a dying star. That's what makes it look gold.
The Mayans called it Xibalba.

It was their underworld.
The place the dead souls go to be reborn.

Someday soon it will explode, die,
and give birth to new stars.

How amazing that the Mayans chose
a dying star to represent their underworld.
Of all the healthy points of light in the sky,
how did they find one that was dying?

               -- The Fountain

I've been to Hollywood
I've been to Redwood
I crossed the ocean
for a heart of gold

Now for some female psychology.

Example conversation from about 10 minutes ago in the laundry room of my apartment...


Her: "You're awfully dressed up for doing laundry!"
(Translation: "That guy who held open the door for you was checking you out.  Great, now you're going to make the rest of us be subjected to unrealistically high expectations, and I can't wear my comfy workout clothes to the laundry room anymore.")

Me: *laughs* "Oh, it was the last clean dress I had!"
(Translation: "I needed an excuse to wear this dress, it's been sitting in my closet for ages!  Please don't hate me :( !!)

Her: "Oh, that's so funny!"
(Translation: "Die in a fire bi%$# kthx")


I hope that conversation shed some light on the complex and scary world of the female mind.
(Please don't hate me seriously!  I just wanted to look cute today :( !!!!!)

One deafening, rolling clap of thunder.  The good kind that make your windows shake and the sound resonate in your chest.  Promptly followed by loud cheers from all throughout the building.  The very first thunderstorm of the season, and I was only one of a dozen people in my apartment building who ran outside to watch...

"..like the deserts miss the rain."

Learning to care for someone again also involves learning restraint. 

Of course you still love me.  I represent everything you yearn for.. hope, spirit, and most importantly, freedom.

Monogamy is terrifying.  Maybe not at first, when you're falling in love, when you're excited about what the future holds.  Maybe not during the afterglow of marriage.  But at some point, it sinks in.. you're going to be with the same person, your one and only, for the rest of your life.  The responsibilities begin to pile up, and between the bills, the kids, the mortgage and the job, your relationship is strained.  Then you begin to wonder, did you make the right choice?  You start to think of all the great people who have been in your life.. you think about ex's, and why you broke up, and if perhaps they had been right for you after all.  You start to question yourself.

Yeah, it's normal.  It happens to just about everyone.  The answer is simple. 

You can't ever rely on just one person for everything you need.  Ever.

Here's what you should do.  Get together as many friends as you can.  Go do something random and fun: go see a movie, ride roller coasters, eat out, or anything you can think of.  Then, go home to someone's place and drink yourself into a stupor until you're hugging everyone and telling them how much you love them.  Yes, that drunk.  Trust me.  And no, don't bring the wife.  She can do without you for one night.

The result?  You get some time away with other people who care about you.  You'll go back to your wife refreshed and, most importantly, not feeling like you're lacking something.  Because, when you crave love, you look for it in the wrong places.

I hope my advice helps you.  Just remember you're not alone, and I'll be here if you need me.

As for the rest of us, please.. just reach out and love a little more.  Love freely and openly.  There's too much pain and hurt in the world, and not enough love to go around..

I called the vet to see if I could pick up Caspian yesterday, and this was the vet's response..
"Oh, he's awake.. yes, he's doing fine, but you can't get him just yet.. he's still, uh.. seeing things that aren't there."

Awwwwwwwwwww....... drug induced halucinogenic kitteh!!!  /lubz /glomp

So, here's the big question.. who's more traumatized by the whole ordeal: me or Caspian?

And the answer is.. Lilu!

Apparently cat pecking order dictates that she's entitled to be a megabitch to other cats when they've been through something rough, like vet surgery.  So she spent the entire night walking up to him, shaking, growling, then running off and hiding.  Then walking back over, shaking and growling again.  And since Caspian stayed on my bed most of the night, I got to listen to this for hours.  I hope you proved your point Lilu, because none of us slept the whole night...

My cat Caspian had to get a tooth pulled this morning at 8am.  Which was extremely painful, considering my normal bedtime is around 5am.  Oh, and I guess my cat's tooth getting pulled must hurt too.  Lulz~

How you know you're working in a science field.

1) The titles to figures you create go on for paragraphs that are bigger than the figures themselves.

"'20th Century North American monsoon summer precipitation ratio ensemble - Run 1'

'Hmm.  That doesn't cover it, what about..'

'20th Century A1B model scenario North American monsoon summer precipitation ratio averaged from 1979-2000 ensemble scatterplot - Run 1'

'Nope, still doesn't cover it..'

'20th Century A1B model scenario North American monsoon ratio of average summer to average total precipitation taken over a 21 year mean between 1979-2000 for a 24 climate model ensemble scatter plotted with comparison to observation - Run 1'

2 hours and 17 paragraphs later... 'HEY!  This would make a great paper!'"

Once, I was the light in the darkness, shining brightly, guiding you on your path.  A fire that burned only for you.  Always one step behind you, two steps ahead, a quiet companion on your journey, reckless and free.

Now, I can't be the light in your darkness.  I'm no longer free.  Let me go... let me blow into the wind.  Once I've been swept around the world, I will return.